get ready to be fir-LIFIED

2007-02-22T02:05:00.000+08:00

It's just not like Lil Fir to be bad... To be mean but here goes my ranting...

I WISH I'D NEVER MAKE ALL THOSE DEDICATION MESSAGES(I'LL DELETE IT SOON)... ALL THOSE BLOG SITES(I'LL BRING IT DOWN SOON).. SMS MESSAGES(I'LL HAVE IT IN THE THRASH SOON..) .. MSN'S CONVERSATION(I'LL HAVE IN IN THE RECYCLING BIN SOON).. SOMETIMES..I FEEL LIKE DELETING MY MSN CLIENT TOO..

ALL IN ALL..

I WISH I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU..

I KNOW I'M HURTING YOU(AS IF YOU WOULD FEEL HURT).. NOBODY IS AS HURT AS LIL FIR..

SEE...LIL FIR'S BAD. DON'T BOTHER HOLDING ON TO LIL FIR ANYMORE. HE MIGHT JUST HURT YOU EVEN MORE. SO...

LEAVE ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-20T14:26:00.000+08:00

Let me start this entry but asking 'you' or whoever this questions..

Am I wrong to feel what I feel ..? Am I wrong to do what I do ..? Am I wrong to ask for such ends ..?

Then there's this another set of questions..

Who am I to feel what I feel ..? Who am I to do what I do ..? Who am I to ask for such ends ..?

Lil Fir feels that it's no use holding on to a relationship that always hurt. Lil Fir still feels hurt. It's just amazing you're able to hurt me one way or another. It's painful, it's really painful.

Just felt like listing the things I'd done for you. The dedication messages, the SMS messages, the websites I made for you. It's all fruitless now. It's all boils down to nothingness.

Thus, I decided to leave you. I like to think that I'm doing good because I'm giving you a breathing space. You have one less person to care for so you're able to care more for the other person. Someone who's so special and means the world to you have taken over my place and I just have to be happy about it..

Leave Lil Fir..Lil Fir's no longer your nudgie.. Lil Fir's dead to you..

Life is just cruel on Lil Fir. Adding on to the above, I've not seen Lil Vin since 18th January. God knows the hell Lil Fir's going through. Nobody's making it any better, even Lil Fir don't know how to make it better..

Cries...

Sad Lil Fir

2007-02-17T02:38:00.001+08:00

R.I.P.

2006-12-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Long expected update I suppose? Well, a lot had happened I guess. Both goods and bads. So I shall just give a summarization of it all.

In case you guys didn't know(as if there's anybody who wanna know), I've met my princess, Ervinna aka Lil Vin. I truly super-ly love her a lot. Period. You guys can head on to our website at http://little-cupids.blogspot.com to find out more about us.

I guess it's inevitable that my relationship with my friends are affected in some ways. Makes me think even if I'd did the correct thing, would it have still occured? I don't know.. But then, I know whatever I did was wrong and I truly regret it. Things change now. It's impossible for me to get back what I had. Sigh..

Just felt like listing the people who really mattered to me .. :
Ervinna(girlfriend)
Samantha(nudgie/darling)
Treasa(pokie)
Mei Xian(flickie)
Diyanah(best friend)
Pricillia(darling/buddy)

I don't wish for any of them to be taken away from me.. :(

It's hard to BELIEVE what you KNOW when what you SEE doesn't quite justify it. Revenge is obviously not a good thing but there are people who I believe is doing it to me. Well. Whatever...

2006-11-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

this is for ervinna. one day, i will say all the languages there are in the world to 'i love you' to you. for now, this is what i have for you..

i love you, aishiteru, sa rang hae yo, te amo, je t'aime, hum tumhe pyar karte hae, ish libe dish, s' agapo, aloha wau ia oi, tav myliu, te ubsec, volim te, te dua, mahal kita, amo te, annah be hebic, aku cinta kau, wo ai ni ..

please do not cry my dear.. *hugs* & *kisses* you.. :)

2006-11-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Lil Fir is such a useless nudgie. Period. Cries...

2006-11-10T17:35:00.000+08:00

I just got my internet connection back but I don't think I'll have the time to update whatever happened for now. I'll be going for StageARTs camp in a while. So I'll be back in 3 days or so..

There's only one person who could truly make me happy for now... and that's my Lil Vin.. HeHe..:)

2006-10-31T03:24:00.000+08:00

Lil Fir

Loves

Nudgie

2006-10-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

In truth, it hurts. It seriously hurts to the point that I can even break down into tears. Call me emotional, call me sensitive, call me whatever you desire. It's just ME being ME. What's hurting me so much? It's my inabilities to make my nudgie NOT cry. I know she's not crying because of me. I know she'll say that I made her smile but how can I possibly believe that? It's not that I don't trust her or anything but it's just too impossible to be true.

I realised that even though I wanted so much to be by my nudgie's side always but I can't. I wanted so much to be there when she cries but I can't too. There's this sort of like an invisible barrier between us. I can't get through it no matter how hard I try.

There's nothing much left that I could do but to just pray and hope all morning, all day, all night.. I know you want me to smile, I am.. though not a perfect one.. I'm struggling to smile just like you are ..

I Love You..

-

2006-10-22T01:01:00.000+08:00

I'm kindda detached from the world due to people not being able to call or SMS me. I'm sorry if it caused any inconveniences. I can only be reach via MSN.

History is indeed repeating itself. The ones that mattered are slowly creeping away from Lil Fir's life. Soon enough, Lil Fir will be of no existence to them. Just wait and see. I hope I'll get used to it. By right, I should be because it already occured to me in the past. People come and go. It's amazing how they walked in and walked out of your life yet leave a footprint that will stay in your heart forever.

I'm no longer special to anyone.. Despite what I've did and tried to do. Maybe I tried too hard huh..? Whatever it is.. I'm so gonna get through all this. I'll smile even if I have to struggle doing so...

2006-10-21T00:26:00.000+08:00

I just cant help but feel that people are slowly walking away from my life. It's ok I suppose. It's then you can find out who'd really stay and those who would, really mattered to me.

So go on, leave me like the rest. I don't deserve to keep you all.

P.S. I wish I could bring the cat near Choa Chu Kang MRT home so that it could make me smile all the time...

2006-10-20T16:37:00.000+08:00

I don't usually hate anybody but this particular guy made me hate him. He literally took everything I have. Boy, how I wish you DON'T EXIST MAN. FUCK YOU..

2006-10-12T02:11:00.000+08:00

I can only wish it's me but I guess it's not..

If only the moon could talk. It'll be my witness. It'll tell you just how much tears are flowing out of lil fir's eyes even as he's typing this blog entry now..

2006-10-08T02:03:00.000+08:00

Truthfully, I've no idea what thing is really like right now. I would be lying if I say I feel right. Maybe I miss my nudgie so much.. I really do..

I don't know what else I can do but to hope and pray. Don't worry, I'll smile like she always want me to. I love my nudgie so much. He He.. :)

2006-10-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

1. Single, taken or crushing? Ans: Single.
2. Are you happy with your life now? Ans: Yes, gotta do with I have.
3. When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him/her fast? Ans: I'll definately fall in love with her.
4. Have you ever been heart broken? Ans: Yes.
5. Do you believe that there are some circumstances, where cheating love is acceptable? Ans: I don't want to do that.
6. Would you take someone back even if he/she cheats on you? Ans: I'm rather forgiveable. I'll see about that.
7. Have you ever talked about marriage to someone else before? Ans: Too young to think about it.
8. Do you want children? Ans: Yes.
9: How many? Ans: 1 enough, so can pour all the love he/she needs.
10. Would you ever consider adoption? Ans: I would.
11. If someone likes you now, what do you think is the best way for her to let you know his feelings? Ans: Depends on who that someone is ah. If she's the one I like, please let me know..!! :(
12. Do you enjoy getting into relationships? Ans: If it's a right one, yes.
13. Do you believe in love at first sight? Ans: Yes.
14. Do you believe you can change someone? Ans: Yes.
15. If you could get married somewhere. where would it be? Ans: Anywhere as long as there's she and me only.
16. Do you give in easily when fighting? Ans: Yes.
17. Do you have feelings for someone right now? Ans: I do..
18. Do you ever wish that you could have had someone but you messed it up? Ans: Yes.
19. Have you ever broken a heart?Ans: I've no idea.
20. If one day your best friend falls in love with the guy you are deeply in love with, what would you do? Ans: Friends come first.
21. Are you missing anyone right now? Ans: Yes.
22. Now you have to ask 5 of your friends to do this survey in their blogs. Write down their names in the list below. Ans:
Treasa
Mei Xian
Audrey
Carissa
Nadirah

2006-10-07T22:56:00.001+08:00

Birthday's gift from Mum & Sis.

I spend my day having dinner with 'her' and Sherry at Wisma. Pricillia was there with them too. She needed to go back to work after her dinner break. So the three of us headed to the Food Repulic to eat our dinner and break my fast. What happened next was beyond my expectation. They acted so well that they really caught me by surprise with that slice of birthday cake. I'm seriously touched and happy. HeHe.. Thank you to that particular 'her'..Thank you Sherry, Thank you Pricillia. We went home after that.

What's with her and the quotation marks? Well.. My birthday wish sort of came true even though the time I get to spend with her is short but I was truly elated, I can't wish for anything more.

P.S. I always stone when I'm with the one I like..

My birthday may just be all that simple but I'm truly happy. I'm quite proud of myself that I'm able to stay happy throughout the day even there's always something which threaten to make my tears drop. I did not, I overcame it. Hee..:) I know my nudgie wants me to be happy not only of my birthday but everyday as well. Rest assured, I'll try ok? I love you nudgie..:)

2006-10-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to me.. Happy Birthday to me.. HaHa!

I've no idea what's in store for me today. Let's just wait and see.. My heart is beating so fast for some reasons.

HeHe.

Thanks all.

2006-10-06T00:06:00.000+08:00

1 more day to my birthday.

They sure caught me by surprise with the mini birthday celebrations during dance practice yesterday's night. Thanks Sherry! Thanks Mei Xian, Thanks to whoever's involved & thanks to all the stagearts dancers! Lil Fir feels so happy! Hehe.. :)

Oh yeah. Ervinna gave me a birthday card earlier in the day. Thanks sweetie. Turns out, Ervinna is also part of the plot. Evil. :(

Yeah yeah! I'm so dumb as to fall for Pricillia's SMS prank. So bad. Bully birthday boy! :( .. :P

Overall.. It was a nice day. Seriously, thank you people from the bottom of my heart!

Psst.. I don't know if it's right to reveal my birthday wishes. But I'll just type it out yeah? Lil Fir wishes he could spend his birthday with a particular someone..Who who? Aiyah, it's already too obvious. HeHe.. It's ok if it's not granted, it's just a wish anyway.. Haha! :P

Ciaoz.

2006-10-04T04:29:00.000+08:00

3 more days to my birthday..

As of now, I'm emotionally alone. I did not asked to be but I won't blame anybody else but myself. I'm the cause of all that had happened. It's amazing how a little mistake I made change a relationship. There's bound to be something you wish were like before but no matter how hard you tried, it simply can't be. I can't help but feel that I'm a useless nudgie. I promise to make my nudgie happy but I did otherwise. Sighs..

I do not know what to do now. I'm basically helpless. I'm just praying and hoping that things would get back to normal. It made me teared thinking and seeing all this happening.

I love my nudgie. I really do. I don't want to lose someone so special like her.. :(

2006-09-18T18:06:00.000+08:00

A dedication entry to my dearest nudgie, Samantha.

Like the title says and what can be depicted from the picture, this entry is totally dedicated to my dearest nudgie, Samantha. I know no amount of words can describe our relationship and what she really means to me. But I just had to do what I love doing, which is to constantly try to make her curl that sweet smile on her beautiful face. So, this is one of the many sweet things I will do in the hope of seeing that genuine happiness that comes from within her. I know it’s like I can do this to anybody but I would like to think of it as she being sent down from up above for me to care, treasure, adore & love specially for. It’s like a job, a job entitled by God for me to do. So.. Yeah..

I know I’ve said this before to her and I’m basically going to repeat it…

It all started with that MSN’s technology known as the ’nudge’. Back to the days when I started to know her, we would nudge each other persistently, trying to annoy each other. Now you know why we call each other ’nudgie’ right? I doubt that without it, we wouldn’t been what we are now. We might have been nudging each other less often nowadays but I’ll never forget how it started and bloomed our relationship. So, I’m pretty much grateful ..

There was one day, during my free time. I opened my MSN’s chat logs and read every single messages of our conversations since day one. I kind of find it hard to fanthom at times just how much we evolved from who and what she is back then to what and who she is to me right now. It’s just amazing and I thank God for scripting my life this way. I know I can never thank God enough for presenting her to me. My birthday may be reaching soon but I’ve already have the best gift I could ever have, which is her. She’s totally irreplaceable. =)

She’s beautiful in every sense of the word. Not only exteriorly but interiorly as well. She truly have a heart of gold. A caring and passionate nurse-to-be who cries for her patients. Just to let her know, I share her tears, her prayers and I wish I could share everything with her.

As of now, I’ll just continue doing my job given by God to me which is to make her as happy as I could. I know for a fact that me, myself, all alone cannot achieve that. So, I let her know that I’ll be praying day and night for her to be given that special something. Probably someone would who love her with all his heart. I’m sure she’ll find one soon because a beautiful girl like her thoroughly deserve it. =)

I can go on and on .. But I have to end somewhere..
Nudgie, I’ll never leave you, can’t bear to do so. Never would and never will..
I love you.. =)

Lil Fir

2006-09-05T04:51:00.000+08:00

Made and given to me by her..

2006-08-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

This is another rare blog update. I’ll try to make it as lengthy as possible.

I’ve been on a rather emotional roller coaster ride. It’s still on-going and I can’t seem to find my way out of it. I’m trapped to it’s seat belt. The inevitable just had to happen. That particular night at Yishun’s Northpoint prove to be a turning point of Lil Fir’s life. To be rather precise, love’s life. I’ve always thought that I’m faithful and devoted to the one I like but I was wronged. I realised my feelings can change in a matter of seconds. Of course, thankfully God I’m not one who would go around breaking people’s heart. That’s not how I work.

It all started when I sort of pick her up from work. We mistook each other’s message. She thought I’m meeting her to eat during her lunchtime break but I perceived it as she wanting me to meet her after work at night. But it was rather too late, I’m already on my way to Wisma Atria to meet her. She said she’ll accompany me. We end up eating at some hawker centre nearby. That hawker brought us back some memories from Chingay’s performance though it was rather unpleasant to remember. We ate pratas! I told her that I don’t really want to go back home because shit happened before I went to meet her.

She agreed to accompany me all the way till 3am at Yishun’s Northpoint which is somewhere near her house. We ate at Macdonald. We sat outside burger king’s table. It’s there my feelings developed rather quickly. I was giving her hints at first. Come to think of it, I’ve been giving her hints since we met at Wisma Atria. I was playfully asking her to pick me to be her boyfriend. Crazy, I know. Anyways, I initiated making cranes and she made one for me too. Her crane for me bore this message, “I LOVE YOU DARLING” and my crane for her bore this message, “DARlING, PICK ME!”. I purposely positioned the two cranes so it would be kissing each other. Lol. She wrote her name and the word ‘DARLING’ on my hand and I wrote the exact same message of “DARLING PICK ME” on her’s. Another funny hints was that I constantly corrected her watch because it’s always on the wrong side of her wrist. I held her hand tightly, not wanting to let go. I don’t know if she picked my hints but I supposed she sensed that something was not right with me because I was stoning practically most of the time. She saw me teared and I could see and hear the worried-ness in her face and her voice. I told her I was scared to tell her something. But she tried and made me said what I felt. It took me sometime till I finally confessed that I’ve fallen in love with her. I don’t know if she was taken aback by it. I don’t really want to type out what she said because it hurts me but it’s ok if it hurts because I willingly took the risk. I’m not accepted neither was I rejected. This ever-oh-so-familiar feeling. She told me that it was late and she had to go home. I fetched her home. She invited me to sleep at her house but I said it was ok, I told her I would be sleeping somewhere under her block. I kind of kissed her goodbye. After sometime when I was about to sleep under her block, her mother wanted me to come out and sleep at her home instead. I had no choice so I accepted it. You bet it that I couldn’t really sleep and I was thinking of the whole scenario all night long, tearing here and there.

Next morning, she had to go work but before that she accompanied me to eat at the Macdonald. I supposed she tried hard not to say anything related to that night and I did not say anything much. We parted at the MRT station. Truthfully, I was hoping to be able to see her from the MRT’s platform before I board my train home but she was nowhere to be seen. Sadded. The journey back home was unbearable. I was holding back my tears. Let it all out when I finally reached home.

I had jazz dance practice in the evening and I saw her again. Yes, the awkwardness was felt by me but I toughen myself up not to feel anything. I channelled all my emotions to my dance instead and I realised I’ve been dancing hard this few days. It was totally different after the practice. I can sense that distance between us though we know we are still darlings. Maybe it’s just me being sensitive or whatever. I hate this feeling but what can I do anyways..

I was following my heart but it seem to backfire on me.. And now I found myself in a spot because …….. *Sighs*

2006-08-22T15:54:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry for the long hiatus. Reasons are that I've been busy. Ok, I lied. Truth is, I'm lazy.

Anyways, my internet been down this few days and it's up again but only my sister's side. I've no idea what's with my network device.

Alot happened huh? The Middle-East crisis involving Israel & Lebanon for example. I won't get political of course. I'm just hoping the war would end, it should have never started in the first place.

(to be continued...)

2006-07-24T15:05:00.000+08:00

Man! I so want to join this Overdrive Hip Hop Dance Competition. Stand to win a master class with my favourite choreographer, Wade Robson!

Click on the image and it'll lead you to the place where you can register. Peace.

2006-07-18T23:22:00.000+08:00

I seriously need shoulders..

2006-07-18T05:51:00.000+08:00

(entries deleted..)

2006-07-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

I went to view RE:MIX dance competition held at *Scape Youth Park. I was on my own. Destined loner? Nothing new. Anyways, the opening item was uber cool! It was a collaboration of all the finalist displaying multitude of dance styles. Etc; Reggae, Salsa, Lyrical, Krump & so on. Showdown begins after it. I found myself waiting for YeahBah's duo to perform. They never fail to make me laugh with their creative gimmicks inculcated in their dance. It was no surprise that they won! Groupwise, I was rooting for TroubleStyles & Lush but it was Rapid Flare who won. Rapid Flare is good though. Their music mix, rapid execution of steps and array of formation changes won the judges heart I supposed. Sigh, I wish I was part of this dance competition.

Anyways, I met with a couple of my dance juniors there. Had trouble locating them but even though I found them, I wish I never. I mean, what's the point? I went to them and they had to go off so I'm still all alone by myself there. Pathetic I tell you.. Oh Well..

2006-07-14T03:58:00.000+08:00

It's been like eons since I last clubbed. I rushed to Cocco Latte halfway through my dance practice. Being a direction idiot, I got lost getting my way there so I had to resort to calling Syazwana endlessly =X I did not cry ok?!

It took some time before the party actually started. I got to know new friends there. The dance floor was pretty small but who cares. I danced my heart out. I'm quite flattered being praised for my dance moves. I've still got a long way to go though. I danced till the point I was totally exhausted. Hey! I'm human ok?! HeHe. Rested till Cocco Latte was about to close. Took a cab home and here I am, blogging at this godly hours. Thanks Syaz dearie.. really had fun! =))

Ok..I can't be too happy. Why? Because a good friend of mine, Diyanah is down. Remember my words ok Di? I'm always there for ya..=)) Take care k?

P.S. Pardon my atrocious usage of language. Grammars and stuff. I'm tired.. That's why..hehe.. Tata..

2006-07-10T15:43:00.000+08:00

I just received one piece of shocking news. I consider him as my life's bestest and closest friend even though we've not seen each other for a long time. I've known him since K2 till this present days. That's almost 14 years of friendship. My deepest condolences and sympathy to him. He just lost his father.

Hardened your heart ok bro? I know it's hard to fanthom the passing of your loved one. I know you love him dearly but God loves him even more. Take care alright?

Sigh..

Life's just not right for me. I hope it'll be better..

2006-07-04T01:55:00.000+08:00

(entries deleted...)

2006-06-29T13:33:00.000+08:00

I know this are really old songs but hey, you gotta agree they hold the best and most memories right? HeHe. I'm just going to post some lyrics up. So far, no one said that it's a crime so.. here you go..

Plus One - Last Flight Out

I'm so scared that you will see
All the weakness inside of me
I'm so scared of letting go
That the pain I've hid will show

I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop

[c h o r u s]
I want you to know
You belong in my life
I love the hope
I see in your eyes
For you I would fly
At least I would try
For you I'll take
The last flight out

I'm afraid that
You will leave
As my secrets
Have been revealed
In my dreams
You'll always stay
Every breathing moment from now

I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop

[c h o r u s]

I cannot hold back
The truth no more
I let you wait too long
Although it's hard and scares me so
A life without you scares me more

[c h o r u s]

Plus One - God In This Place

I know that lately
Things have been so hard
And looking out
Through your broken heart
All you can see is dark
And lonely days ahead
But remember ***** said

[c h o r u s]
He knows every star in the sky
Every single tear that you cry
His love is here faithful and alive
I know that this world can be cold
In His arms you're never alone
That's His promise to you and I

When hope has disappeared
And your heart aches
You might not recognize
The touch of grace
But on the other side
Of every dying dream
His love is waiting patiently

[c h o r u s]

With every angel there's a love
That never leaves your side
His love is deeper than the ocean
Or a mountain high
You've got to know
There's hope in your heart

And if you listen with your heart
I know you'll hear Him say
You are My child and I am with you
Each and every day
He is the one who knows your soul

[c h o r u s]

That's the promise for you and I

2006-06-25T15:41:00.000+08:00

Oh-my-golly-wow(Got that from Florence Lian of Singapore Idol)! My cough shows no sign of fading away. I hope it will go away soon or it'll tamper with my preparations for an upcoming dance perfomance.

I supposed these sayings are right. If it's fate, you can't run away from them. I only had myself to blame for trying so hard, I'll have to bear with all the consequences that come with it. I shouldn't have. I should have just let nature take it's course and let time tells.

But it's not an easy feat for me. It's one daunting task. Let me tell you, the Lil Fir you guys know is fake. He's not the original Firdaus. I'm trying to find the real me. *sigh*

I'm off to take a nap. Make that a sleep. My biological clock is wrecking havoc on me due to the world cup phenomenon. Au revoir.

2006-06-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

This entry is so dedicated to Syazwana!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !! =))

Absolutely no regrets knowing you. I totally miss those old times. Haha! =))

Enjoy your day alright. Don't ever ever forget or leave your Ikan Paus swimming aimlessly around right here ok? HeHe.. *Huggies* *Muackz*

Lil Fir

2006-06-20T14:29:00.000+08:00

(entries deleted..)

2006-06-20T04:50:00.000+08:00

Is there anyone willing to lend me their digicam for a few days. I want to revamp my blog layout again. All this while, I have always been meddling with low resolutions picture that's from my handphone. HaHa. Anyone?! :P

2006-06-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeling too well. I've a sore throat and a sprained shoulder. Adding on, I have a slight fever. Gosh..

2006-06-11T04:34:00.000+08:00

Studio Wu Open House

Date: Saturday, 17th June 2006

Come & Join Us On This Fun-Filled Dance Day!
NON-MEMBERS get to enjoy FREE DANCE PASSES!
So, members, bring along your friends!

Programme Highlights:
• Free Classes - Open to Members & Non-Members-Popping, Locking, Girls Hip Hop, V-Pop & many more**
• Lucky Draw - Win 10, 20 & Unlimited Dance Packages !
• Launch of New Dance Classes & WRX Club
• Heart Pumping & Sizzling Performances
• Exclusive Souvenirs For Sale (Limited Stock!)
• Special Corner - ( Hair Braiding, Express Make -Up, Nail Painting, etc.)

Attractive Package Promotion!
Exclusively on Open House Day Only!

** Reservations & Registration Required.
Closing Date 15th June 2006.
Limited Spaces Available, So Hurry!

Registration is not opened yet. Please check back later for more updates.

Click here to see the pdf for the Open House. For more details, please email info@studiowu.com or call 6223 4722.

2006-06-09T18:40:00.000+08:00

I'm utterly sorry I made so many people worry about me. I didn't really mean to do it. I'm sincerely thankful for all the care and concern showered upon me.

I know that my absence is not acceptable at all so I hope you people won't question me anymore pertaining it. If you know me well, you'll know what I'm going through. Somehow, something seize my thoughts. It told me to get away from reality for a little while, thus me wanting to be alone and all by myself for sometime. I needed time to think I suppose. I'm really really sorry. Other than all this, I'm really fine physically...

P.S. Don't question me anymore ok..?

2006-06-08T01:08:00.000+08:00

I know I've posted a similar entry to this eons ago but I shall post it again.

It's actually an excerpt from my favourite movie of all time, Lord Of The Rings. It's a dialogue between Gandalf and Frodo.

Frodo: I wished The Ring had never come to me. I wished none of this had happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such time but that is not for them to decide. All you have decide is what to do with the time that's given to us.

Translating Frodo's dialogue to my version of it would be..

Frodo: I wished I'd never loved her so much. I wished none of this had happened.

I wish I could have Gandalf's sort of encouragement. Sigh..

2006-06-04T00:19:00.000+08:00

Oh wow.. I've never cried so much in my life just a while ago. My poor pillow is soaked with my uncontrollable tears.

If only I could bumped into some magic lamp. I have so many wishes to make.

I wish I'd never told her that I like her. Things would'nt have turn out the way it is now, wouldn't it?
I wish I've never fallen too deeply in love with her. Afraid of being hurt just as much..

on the other hand..

I wish I could love her..
I wish I could take care of her..
I wish I could treasure her..
I wish I could adore her..

I hope I'm not asking for too much.. Am I? =((

2006-06-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

Going back home from ballroom practice was practically one hard ordeal for me. I was holding back my tears because my friends are still around me. It's only when I thread past that walkway that leads me home that I started shedding tears..

For whatever reasons.. I don't know.. Maybe I know but I rather not say it.. Get what I mean? Don't get what I mean? Nevermind then.. No one understands me anyways..

2006-06-02T15:53:00.000+08:00

If only the Moon could talk. The Moon is my witness. Every night, the Moon witness the amount of tears flowing out of Lil Fir's eyes, drenching his bed in the process..

I'm not so much of wanting her to love back in return. I'm not so much of wanting her to be mine or whatsoever. That's not how Lil Fir works..

All Lil Fir seeks is the opportunities to be able to ..
of course love her..
adores her..
take care of her..
treasure her..

I know it's like I can do this to any girl anywhere in the world but I felt like God has chosen her to be the one for me to do all that. That's how I want to look things as..

Sighs..

2006-05-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

Lyric-wise, this song don't relate to me at all but it does when comes to its rhythm and melodies. This song was introduced and sent to me by her and I grown to be emotionally attached to it ever since. Everytime I hear this song, it reminds me of her...

The Pussycat Dolls - Stick Wit U

Ohhh.. Oh Oh..

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
And throwing their love away
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
See the way we ride, in our private lives
Ain't nobody gettin' in between
Iwant you to know that, you're the only one for me (one for me)
(What I'm sayin' is)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

And now, ain't nothing else I can need
And now, I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me
I got you, we'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you (baby I'm with you)
Baby you're with me (baby you're with me, higher)

So don't cha worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you, and you know me
And that's all that counts
So don't cha worry about
People hanging around

They ain't bringing us down
I know you, and you know me
And that's, that's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u (come on)
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

2006-05-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

I don't think I'll have anything better to do so I'm going to hold a game of tug-of-war.

There'll be two contestants for this game. One labelled itself as 'if only' while the other labelled itself as 'who am I ?'. Below respectively, I'm going to list down both of it's attributes.

Starting off with 'if only':
. if only i'm handsome...
. if only i'm smart...
. if only i'm tall...
. if only i'm charming...
. if only i'm rich...
. if only i'm cool..

and the list goes on..

Now for the 'who am I?'
. who am i to love such a pretty girl like her?..
. who am i to love such a smart girl like her?..
. who am i to love such a sweet girl like her?..
. who am i to deserve such a girl like her?..

and the list goes on too..

So who will win this tug-of-war? I'm gonna let you guys decide it for me ..

2006-05-25T04:13:00.000+08:00

It's 4.11am and I'm still not asleep.

i'm thinking of her .. wondering if she's thinking of me..

FAT hope!

Hmm..

I miss her.. =((

2006-05-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

*hugs* Valerie. Hehe.. Thanks for introducing me this song. I'll post up the lyric!! =))

MARCOS HERNANDEZ
The Way I Do

Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do

Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do

I love you
I need you
I want you
..the way I do
[x2]

2006-05-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

I just got back not long ago from Coffee Bean at Bishan Junction. Before that, we had ballroom dancing. Way before was the intense meetings that StageARTs' held. I'm not really gonna elaborate on all that. Plain lazy.

I'm just going to highlight the downside of today. I won't deny that I wasn't happy. Want to know what I did? I sent an SMS message to God..

Here's what the text message looks like:

"dear God.. why do i feel the way i feel? is it because i'm sensitive..? but i can't help it.. i feel like i can tear anytime soon..i'll try not to but no promises.. no matter what the case is.. i don't blame her at all.. the one to blame is me.. is either i love her too much or the way i love her is wrong.. if there's ever one thing i could ask for from You dear God.. is the strength to overcome all this.. i'm weak.. i'm vulnerable.. please brighten up my paths.. i'm so lost.."

I did exactly that.

2006-05-13T08:06:00.000+08:00

Wee..!! New layout. This is my best layout by far.

I'll be heading off for committee meeting in a while and there'll be general meeting as well.

Ballroom dancing in the afternoon. Looking and not looking forward to it. Hmm..

Ok sorry. Just awoke, I supposed brain cell still dead.

Tata!

2006-05-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

A cat I would never fail to see either on my way to school or on my way home.

I was asked why am I torturing myself doing the things I do. But it's even as torturous not doing it as well.

Sighs.

I'm sorry..

I think I might fall sick anytime soon..

Nights.

2006-05-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

(cont'd)

I'll be writing this blog entry meticulously before publishing it. For starters, I admit that I'm not capable of writing exceptionally. I don't boast literary prowess that of so many bloggers out there. In addition, I'm ever afraid of outcomes after my entry happens to be read.

I just had to pour out my thoughts and blogger is the most ideal portal for me to do so.

If I had a parang with me, I would have literally chopped myself into half. Chill! I'm not suicidal. I meant to say that there's two sides to me. It encompasses both truth and lies. I'm kind of force to live with this differences. I might seem to have split personality of some sort.

I'm sick of the lies and I won't bother to list it out..

The truth is . . .
I really love her alot though it's no secret anymore..
I always look forward to MSN every night..
I'm NOT OK..
I can't stop thinking of her, it's like my life in general revolves around her..
I intentionally sleep late most night so I could divinely accompany her throughout the night, I'd only sleep after she sleep.
If I could turn back time, I wish I never said what I said and did what I did..

For now, that's the truth I could list out. I might update from time to time, so check it out if you want to.

Peace.

2006-04-29T11:59:00.000+08:00

We went to watch Levi's Final Dance Competition at the same place as last week, Bugis Junction(Fountain Area). I don't understand why they picked such a small and cramped area. Let me list out the 'we' in random order; Yee Shan, Zelia, Sherry, Jocelyn, Julian, Nadirah, Azidah, Nisa, Jeremy, Anselm, Belinda & me. The weather was erratic. It was raining when I was on my way there via train and it was scorching hot at Bugis.

The competition kicked off slightly later than 3PM. Undeniably stiff was the competition, lot's of great dance teams, like duh.. My favourite of the solo/duo category was Michael Sim. He got the runner up position. The winner of group category was F-Beatz, an NRA group I supposed. We rejoiced because Peter's group, H Crew was 2nd! Wondering who's Peter? Well, he's our dance instructor, trained in Jazz, Salsa, Latin and many more including Hip-Hop. After the dance competition, we were figuring where to go to celebrate advancedly Peter's birthday. Before that, we ate at a nearby hawker center. I ate chicken rice. Like what else could I eat?

We went to Esplanade. We were dancing our arse off there man. I started the ball rolling! Haha! Suddenly, out sprang the surprises on Peter. 1 2 3 .. Happy Birthday to you.. bla bla bla. Hehe! We continued dancing. I perspired like hell! We got off from there at around 11pm.

It was kindda an enjoyable day but I wasn't to happy. Why...?

Hmmm..

2006-04-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

The audition was great, I was happy, period. I don't really want to emphasise much on it.

After the whole thing, my mood can't help but changed. The usual of trying to put a brave front and stuff. I had to control myself till I reach Choa Chu Kang MRT. Once reached, I let it all out all alone by myself. What I let out, is up to you people to guess.

Love hurts..

2006-04-25T11:51:00.000+08:00

I just got back not long ago and it's now 11.51am. I did not went home the night before.

Yesterday, the semifinals of the Levi's Dance Competition was being held at Bugis Junction(Fountain Area). Looking and thinking back, I made the right decision to back out. The competition was stiff and packed with good teams. There's no way we could pull through with the last minute preparation that we had. From supposedly 6 members, cut into half.

Anyways, met Belinda at Toa Payoh MRT's platform before heading our way to the competition's venue. Syazwana came shortly after. It's always nice to see her after a long time. I saw Azidah from afar, it's a pity we can't be together in a group because it was packed. I only managed to see Jocelyn after the competition ended.

Belinda had to go somewhere else. I was about to head somewhere to eat alone but Rene saw me. She asked me to call Sherry to eat with them. Too many people so it's kind of hard for me to spot them but there they are, Sherry, Audrey, Anselm, Julian and the Dance Company's People. We headed to Pastamania. Snap here, snap there.

A few of us parted but some still want to wander around. Left, Audrey, Julian, Anselm & me. We went to Coffee Bean. Had fun cracking jokes and bullying Audrey.. Hehe. I stole Audrey's bag and not let her have it. She poke, she scratch, she hits my head and I didn't let her have it still. Haha.. Ok, I let her have it in the end, not so mean. We finally decided to head home but I did not ..

I kind of sent her home. I had some words with her. All I said though, was 'sorry'. I dont know why I said that.

Fast forward, after she left me, I just stone right there under her block. To say I did not teared, I would be lying. I dont know, I decided to sleep there but I couldn't really do that. The irregularities of the table made my head toss and turn because it wasn't comfortable. Putting my head on my arms doesn't really help because it would numbed it. The chilly nights made it even worse. I did asked myself why am I torturing myself this way? I myself pondering for an answer. It's only close to 11am the next morning that I decided to head off from there. Had my bites because I was really hungry. I reached home close to midday and slumped to defeat on my bed.

2006-04-15T03:39:00.000+08:00

Tell me if posting lyrics is a crime. I'll promise I stop.

Christian Wundelich - So In Love

All alone on a nighttrain
Like a stranger on a sinking ship
Will I ever know the secret to your heart

Do you care, am I dreaming
When I reach for you is that burning flame
Just inside of me are we a world apart

Chorus :
I'm so in love, so in love with you
I'm so in love, if you only knew
I'm so in love, I'll never be the same
Cause I'm so in love, I'm so in love with you

Should I dare to entice you
Will a touch of your fingertips, take my heart again
You know it's been so long

Is it wrong how I want you
When it feels so right being close and
Who is to tell me now that all's been said and done

[Chorus]

You, you never understood
And you were gone when our love felt so good
You unchain my heart and set me free
Or tell me that you're gonna be with me
[Chorus] x 3

2006-04-14T23:39:00.000+08:00

*Pats* my poor bloggy. I'd been neglecting it. I've been busy preparing for clubcrawl's performance and also . . . yeah, Levis Dance Competition which is like this Sunday! Truthfully, we're not even halfway done. We intially signed up with 5 members and now 2 withdrew, so you work out the equation. I'm thinking of starting from scratch tomorrow. Clubcrawl's wise, I supposed we're on course and I really, or rather we hope it would be the best performance ever staged by StageArts' dancers. Clubcrawl! Here we come!

I wish I could turn back time and not say what I said .. I'm still hoping ..

2006-04-07T02:44:00.000+08:00

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky,
Star light,
Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight,

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
I have so many wishes to make,
But most of all is what I state,
So just one girl
That I’ve been dreaming of,
I wish that I could have all her love,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the dream I dream tonight,

Ooo baby

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
I want a girl who’ll be all mine,
And wants to say that I’m her guy,
Someone sweet that’s for sure,
I want to be the one she’s looking for,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the girl I wish tonight,

Ooo baby

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky,
Star light,
Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight...

2006-04-04T03:50:00.000+08:00

My life's all but torn. Studies, family ..

Where are the people who mattered to me when I need them? I know it's kind of like my fault I distanced myself from you all. I'm sincerely sorry.. Come back to me .. =((

2006-03-29T02:03:00.000+08:00

Sorry..

Lil Fir don't know why he said so but he insisted on it ..

Lil Fir is trying desperately hard not to feel what he's feeling. It's the hardest thing he ever had to do. He doesn't know what's right and is ever so fearful of doing or saying the wrong things . . .

2006-03-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

Let me see. A lot of sh*t happened in the past few days. I won't reveal it here. You guys gotta ask me and I'll see if I would answer you...

I regret doing the things I did. I wished I could turned back time and not do it but obviously it's impossible. I know it's up to me to change things. I pray and hope my life could be bettered somehow.

2006-03-15T22:46:00.000+08:00

I'm just going to make this blog entry snappy. I was in school just now although I'm on holiday. Nureen, Diyanah and me practiced for Levis dance competition. We had to admit that choreographing is not an easy task. We stopped practicing at around 9PM and went home and here I am, blogging away ..

Hell.. Guess not a single blog entry will pass without me having to type about you know who . . . Well, I still like her. Period.

2006-03-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

I have some bits of spare time so might as well blog a bit. Well, life is not desirable for me. Since when it has been anyways. A lot of things happened and I believe it's largely my fault that it occured. Sigh ..

I hope my life could be bettered somehow.. Prays .. Ciaoz.

2006-03-06T04:04:00.000+08:00

*Coughs* *Coughs*! Stupid medicine! It's not effective at all. I'm still coughing. Bleah!

There'll be a dance performance by StageARTs later at the Theatre For the Arts(TFA) from 12PM to 2PM. Mediacorp will be heading down to film it all. I understands that it's for the preview of 'So You Think You Can Dance', a dance reality show based from the US. I kind of found it hard to fanthom because recently, I was watching some videos from http://www.youtube.com of that show. It showcased some seriously good dancers. It would be cool though that the programme landed itself in NYP. I'm so looking forward to the happenings later!

Perhaps I should move on? I don't know .. I'm lingering on something which I have no clue on whether I should hold on or not. God, please help me..

2006-03-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

I wonder when will I ever smile again. Seems like a lightyear wouldn't be an enough time. Does love really have to be that complicating? Why cant it just be as simple as A B C or 1 2 3 ?

To the one girl that mattered to Lil Fir now. I 'd never blame you, never had the heart too and I hope you'll never blame me.

Just as much as you don't expect me to fall for you, never in my wildest dream would I thought I would too. It just had to happen. Before this, I was afraid to fall in love, maybe due to past relationships. Somehow, I found the courage to love again, this time around, to love you. I know at the back of my mind that if I fall in love too deeply for you, I might end up being hurt just as much. But I'm willing to go through it..

I don't deny that I desire to have you in my life but at the same time, I wont expect you to be mine, that's wrong. To love, doesn't mean I have to have you.

BUT, please do tell me something I need to know..

If you have feelings for me, please say it so ..
If you dont, say it too ..

It's really unbearable being in the situation that I'm in. I don't know if I should move on..

Right now, I'm just thinking of you every hours, every minutes, every seconds of every day.

I love you ..

Love, Lil Fir..

2006-03-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

it's been some time since i dropped tears. i dropped it on my way back home today and i guess tears might swell up as i'm typing this ..

i wish i never feel what i'm feeling.. this is too much for me to bear..

somebody please kill me or something ... ? i rather die .... seriously ....

love, lil fir ..

2006-02-27T10:32:00.000+08:00

DanceWorks'06 quest ended for both my juniors and the crew i'm participating with, DXC. I kind of anticipated it. Let's just face it, without hardwork, it just doesn't pay.

It's hard not to do the things you do when you fall deeply for someone.. *Sighs*

2006-02-23T15:41:00.000+08:00

So near yet so far ...

*Sighs*

This probably Lil Fir's shortest ever blog entry... =((

2006-02-22T21:25:00.000+08:00

1 minute silence. Mourning the loss of Former Deputy Prime Minister, Mr S. Rajaratnam.

I admit my lack of knowledge about him. I didn't even know that the pledge I used to recite every morning during my primary and secondary school days was penned by him. Now I know. I learnt and still learning quite a lot about him after his passing. He's a great man, one of the founding members of PAP. He was intergral in the growth of Singapore in the past and laid the foundation for the future generations of leaders. I'm full of respect for him. Rest in peace.

2006-02-20T05:27:00.000+08:00

Hmmm! So much for proclaiming myself as an avid blogger but the number of entries I wrote so far for this year doesn't quite justify it. One of the chief reason is that I would be rather tired after dance practices almost everyday, I just would lose the interest to blog. My apologies.

Anyways, my blog is literally a hot property now! I reckon there would be a slight increase in it's traffic after the StageARTs' general meeting on Saturday. Haha! What's a way to generate publicity for my online diary huh?

I realised I'd been rather pessimistic lately. I'mma try to be a wee-bit optimistic but NO PROMISES though! There will be DanceWorks' competition on the upcoming Saturday and Sunday. I'm hoping the juniors would simply just rally and pull through it TOGETHER. I can't emphasise the word 'TOGETHER' more. You guys are in my prayers always. I'll be participating in it myself under DXC the following day. Wish me luck!

I'm still holding on to my dream though it might seem unachievable.. Oh no! There goes my promise. I can't help it. I'm liking/loving you more and more every passing day. I guess I shall just let this be known; no matter if I say it out or not, just regard that I like/love you no matter what. If you ever see me being quiet out of a sudden, I'm thinking of you. If I ever seem to be ignoring you, I'm just trying to avoid feeling more hurt because I like/love you so much, I really do.. I tried to be myself each and everytime but I'm only human. I have flaws, so do you but I like/love you for your imperfections...

2006-02-13T01:18:00.000+08:00

i wished i'd never read what i just read...

i just couldn't help but breakdown..

it's 1.20am now..

tears flowing profusely out of my eyes..

i'm crying..............

love, sad lil fir...

2006-02-11T06:46:00.000+08:00

My life's a mess. I don't really know how to make it better. I tried hard but it got even messier. Sigh. I guess it's solely my fault my good friends stop calling me their good friends, slowly creeping away from my life... =(

Maybe, I don't even have the right to ask for anything from my good friend. I didn't really ask for much, just a simple basic communication from you to me because I really felt that communication is essential in a friendship. If we had talked constantly, it wouldn't have turned out this way..

I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me and stuff. Pretty much hope whatever I'd done for you more than makes up for it. I know it's not the first time that you're disappointed in me... Haix ..

2006-02-10T16:16:00.000+08:00

Just a simple graphic depicting the situation I'm currently in.

Both of that creatures on each side of the line represents me. One of them is not-so-crazy in a way, he doesn't really want to show that he's head over hell over someone. The other one is crazy in a way, he really like her so much he don't know what to do.

Bleah.

2006-02-09T13:24:00.000+08:00

I'm mulling confusedly at my life. The more I strive to live life right, the more wrong it becomes. This contradiction have been smacking me for quite some times now. My heart felt like a bomb ready to be detonated anytime soon.

I admit feeling fearful of the outcomes that might befall me but nothing beats keeping it inside of me for a very long time. I really need to say how I feel..

2006-02-06T13:01:00.000+08:00

Some pictures taken from the day of our performance at Chingay. Forget about the unpleasant consequences after the whole thing. We sure did have our joyous moments.

Waiting for cue to our performance!

Snacking, lunching, drinking while we can.

StageARTs & Foreign Bodies on our way to the Chingay's destination.

BOOM! We made our landing!

2006-02-05T15:57:00.000+08:00

Does 'expect the unexpected' rang a bell or something? That was the case for today's Chingay Parade's performance for both StageArts & Foreign Bodies. This is an event remembered but for the wrong reasons. Our performances went well and we were supposed to party after it but it was spoiled by some mindless thieves. They rummaged all of our bags and stole most of our belongings. They stole our wallets, handphones, my discman wasn't spared either. Some of us cried. The thieves are seriously heartless.

Apparently, some of us managed to trail them as they were suspicious. We followed them, of course we rang for the police as well. But sadly, I think they managed to escape because we made our presence too noticeable. We were in big group. God, I hope and pray that they will be punished somehow ..

Losing my discman wasn't really a big deal to me, I just felt more for those that lost their major stuff.

I'mma have to agree with Audrey with her sayings of when you lose something, you'll gain something. I hope you'll guys will agree that all this brought us more closer to one another especially with the Foreign Bodies people.

Ok, I won't deny that I was moody today and no it's not about losing that discman but something else that I won't probably mention here..

2006-02-04T15:52:00.000+08:00

I followed my mother to source for my white top and black pants for Chingay Parade today. I had to settle for a non-baggy pant though I wanted so much too. Lot 1 was pathetic, never expect Jurong Point not to have it either. I was late so I had to buy it nonetheless. I quickly rushed off to school to meet up with the rest of the performers. We practiced a wee more with formations and stuff. We did our make up at around 3.30PM before we head off to our Chingay Parade's location. Lotsa people were there already. We waited for our turn to perform. By the way, ours is pre-parade and today's not the actual one, the actual one is tomorrow. The performance was ok and so I thought. Definately not my best. The rest of the day after that, guess I was just trying to be fakely happy. I was really moody..

My thoughts. Communication is very damm important even when comes to friendship. I believe friendship won't last without proper basic communication, no matter how busy one can be, it would be best, if basic communication was still there. Right now, I felt like my good friends are slowly creeping away from my life.. Do I even exist in their life?!!

2006-02-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

i don't feel like writing a proper entry today. i just feel so fucked up. excuse my french but seriously, that's how i'm feeling now. imagine, all those times being in the same club, the time in the workplace snapping pictures away, one whom i would always turn to for all the meaningful Godly advises .. yet ...

today, when i entered school, we walked past each other without acknowledging one another, it's like as if we don't know each other. maybe it's my fault for not initiating a 'hi' because we haven't been communicating for a long while.. didn't expect her not to say hi to me either.. at that moment, i know....that my heart crushed into pieces lah.. having that from someone who mattered to you .. really was i don't know.. excruating..

i'll stop here..

2006-02-02T12:50:00.000+08:00

"I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart." -- Unknown

"Maybe the reason why I haven't found who I've been searching for is because I know that I've already found her. It's just up to her to say whether I am who she has been waiting for.." --Unknown

"Wanting to be with you is like trying to touch a star. You know you'll never accomplish it, but you just keep on trying." --Unknown

Boring

2006-02-01T15:44:00.000+08:00

If I had a HUGE stamp, I would have stamped the word 'BORING' on today. I'm overwhelmed with boredom. I'd been routinely doing the same activities consecutively for three days. My activities include sleeping for a large portion of the day, glue-ing myself to the computer and bits of watching television here and there. Seriously, I'm wasting my time and I can't really afford to lavish myself with all this sh*t!

Negativity aside for the time being. Recently, Singapore was ravaged by the dengue fever which caused considerable amount of fatalities. Thanked God, the situation is under control now due to our vigilance in trying to prevent mosquitoes breeding and stuff. Guess what? I just bumped into a rather startling fact. Long ago, an American Nurse called Clara Louise Maass died as a result of volunteering for experiments to study yellow fever. My God. She's so willing to get bitten by infected mosquitoes not once but astonishingly 7 times! She recovered from those earlier bites but unfortunately death took her away after suffering a rather serious yellow fever. She was buried with military honours. Believe all this people.

I don't really know how to describe what's been happening this few days. Summarisingly, I'm just lost, like really lost. I shall just pray that I'll have pleasants days ahead of me and if things don't go my way, I hope I'll be able to overcome it.

Marcos Hernandez - If You Were Mine

2006-01-31T04:02:00.000+08:00

[Chorus:]
If you were mine,
I be your your everything and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want

Ohhh Yeaaa
Everything I dreamed about
Everything that I talked about
One thing I can't live without
I wanna get closer to you
Can't stand being far away
Knowing that you don't feel the same way
Questioning bring tears to your eyes

[Chorus:]
If you were mine,
I be your your everything and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want

Ohhh Yeaaa
All words I sing about
All that is that I write about
Only thing I wanna hear about
So that I can get closer to you
I know that there is someone else, but he's only thinking of himself
Doesn't make any sense for you being lonely

[Chorus:]
If you were mine,
I be your your everything and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want

Ohhh Yeaaa
Let me be the one to share your hopes and dream
You'll never be alone again, cuz' I will hold you in this day
Please don't be afraid to let your brokenheart guide you
Into these open arms that long to surround you, baby!!

[Chorus:]
If you were mine,
I be your your everything and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want

[Repeat Chorus:]

back

2006-01-30T15:11:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for the lapses in blog entries. my computer just recovered after being succumbed to down-ness for the second time in quick succession. source of fault this time round, the monitor. my cpu's fine and that should explain why people can see me online while i can't. i just received a monitor given to me by a HDB agent who took care of my family in the buying and selling of our house. my sister recently possesed a new computer. my relatives came to my house two days ago to set up the router so that we both could share the internet access.

open houses ended not long ago. i admit it's not that fruitful. tonnes of stuff could have been done to improve especially when you're in a club known as StageARTs. I kind of had a hard time coordinating my juniors, they are literally everywhere.

the third day of the open house was the most hectic. apart from the performances, there's hip-hop hunt dance competition as well. my dance group, X-Syndrome participated. there were only 3 teams participating in the campus category so basically we won at least the 3rd prize. participants from outside of our school awed us. i saw a lot of familiar faces because i'd seen them in other dance competition. one of them is the recent suntec city solo dance champion. the show-stealers goes to STK! this group of dancers comprised dancers as young as eight years old! one of it's member is Shazran, another solo dance champion for the recent suntec city dance competition under the junior category! that was the closure of the opening house. next, looking forward to Chingay Parade's Performance.

somebody, please tell me what should i really feel or do? i'm at a lost. i wish i could move on but there's bound to be something holding me back. don't allow me to keep guessing, the more i guess, the more i'll fall deeply for you, the more i fall for you, the more harder for me to let go of you.. sigh..